I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
