the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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