sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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