it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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