i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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