i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
