So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
