If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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