erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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