Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
