my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
