girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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