At least make sure they are 18
Why
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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