Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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