we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So apparently I’m into choking now
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