Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Randomize
