I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
one two three fourrrrnication!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
