before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
