is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
