if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
