And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
