Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
