I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
