I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
