if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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