idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
