You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
