I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
