I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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