Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
