so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
