The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
