You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
