Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
