Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
