paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so let's talk penis.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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