I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
