I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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