Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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