Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
