physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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