Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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