i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
