WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
