hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Someone shattered a urinal.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
