I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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