Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
