I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
