didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
