ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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