i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
