I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
