I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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