we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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