why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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