I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
