Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
