Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
