If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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