I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize