I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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