The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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