Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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