I'm going to jail i love you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
