this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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