I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
