At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
