remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize