....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize