i would punch a child for taco bell
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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