she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
