Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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