I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
