i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
